Rope Swing Madness

When I was still at Simpson, there was this huge rope swing at Whiskeytown that we'd go to in the summertime. It was maybe 20 feet high at its apex, but it seemed more like thirty or forty.
Anyway, it was a good 1/4-mile swim to get to it, and once you were there, you had to take the rope up a steep, rocky hill in order to get enough momentum to clear the rocks and the shallow water. Standing on top of that hill with the rope in your hand could be pretty intimidating.
So one time we went with this guy, Ryan. Cool guy, looked like he could handle the swing, he'd be fine.

There's a lot of advice that people will give you when you fall a long way into water, but really, they're all aimed at one common goal-don't belly flop. Ryan didn't get the memo.

After a few of us went, Ryan stepped up, and he went without fear. He managed to let go at the top of the swing, and things were looking good. We thought he was showing of when he descended in a "pike" position, hands and feet pointing down at the water.

Right before impact, he stretched out, achieving the nastiest (greatest) belly flop I'd ever seen. It sounded like God gave the water a high-five. It turns out he panicked and...well, belly flopped.

He spent the rest of the day curled up at the top of the hill, listening to our praises that it was to coolest thing, and our encouragement to go again under the argument that "it couldn't get any worse"...could it?

Just before we left, brave, brave Ryan got up and walked his welted belly up to the rope. He climbed up the hill with grim determination while we shouted in triumph. He would face his fear and show the rope swing that it couldn't dominate him.

We followed his graceful arc toward the water and held our breath as he reached peak height...and held on a split second too long. As the rope swung back, he held on with one hand, finally surrendering to a cartwheel of doom that whipped him into the water. I laughed so hard I almost fell off the hill.

He was okay, but I don't think he ever went back to the rope swing, and we all walked away with a very important life lesson-it can ALWAYS get worse.

And sometimes worse is hilarious.